hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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