They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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