I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
