If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
