some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
