it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
