Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
