I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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