pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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