I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
