Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
