alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize