Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize