How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
