you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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