dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
