Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
