Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize