someone threw a dead crab at me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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