when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
