What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
