look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
