there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
