Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
