i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
