Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
