So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
