you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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