at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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