someone threw a dead crab at me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
