Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
