When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
