Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
