After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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