Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
