i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
