I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
