you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
