What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
