why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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