my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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