I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
