she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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