I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize