Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
