No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
