RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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