We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
