Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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