Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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