Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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