She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize