my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
