bring money and cleavage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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