She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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