Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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