i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
