When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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