so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
