Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
