i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
