You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize