I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
