Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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