Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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