dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
