You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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