we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
