Duck Duck Cougar?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
