your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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