Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize