I'm jealous of your bromance
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
