hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't deserve a penis
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
