Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
