she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
