I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
