I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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