im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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