During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i believe in u and ur pee
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
