Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
