i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
