It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
