i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
