his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
