meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
