it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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