Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
