we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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