those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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