i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
