i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
