he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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