Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
