"it" just moved
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
