remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
