Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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