I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
