Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
