I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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