I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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