you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
