When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
