when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im part way to drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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