playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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