I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
