he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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