i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
