im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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