Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
