you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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