it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
where are my eyebrows?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize